Programs For Clergy

The clergy training is an extension of the educational program introduced in our video Managing Shame, Preventing Violence: A Call to Our Clergy. This bilingual DVD presents concepts basic to the work of the Silvan S. Tomkins Institute. We are dedicated to the promotion of education about the nature of human emotion and have devoted the past several years to the study of the many ways people handle the complex family of emotions associated with shame. An unexpected benefit of this prolonged period of immersion in shame psychology was our growing awareness that many of the ills of society could be traced to a shift in the way our entire culture had learned to react to moments of personal shame and the traditional use of shame for social control. When interviewed, those involved in public displays of rudeness, incivility, strategies for revenge, sexual hedonism, and explosive violence against persons and property always explained their behavior as "appropriate" reaction to the perception that they had been humiliated or were trying to avoid humiliation.

If the traditional methods of social control have become the major trigger for action against society, then those who are charged with the responsibility for the maintenance of civility and social discipline must learn new ways to help people achieve reasonable internal controls. There is absolutely nothing we can do to make the experience of shame "go away," for it involves both physiology (blushing, momentary confusion) and learning. Everything we know about our emotions suggests they act like spotlights that point our attention to something requiring action. The training we provide allows you to show people how to pay attention to whatever has triggered shame, to assess it within the framework of their own general competence, and to resist the temptation to punish whomever they deem responsible for their discomfort. Shame then becomes an opportunity for personal growth rather than a "reason" to shift attention to others.

Training benefits include:

• Decrease in tendency to cause harm through thoughtless behavior.
• Improved ability to accept and motivate self and others.
• Increased self-reflection - the ability to focus safely on one's own emotions and emotional display.
• All relationships become more authentic when each partner accepts responsibility for his or her emotions.
• Enhancement of the ability to facilitate interpersonal civility.
• Comprehensive lessons on the relation between violence and incivility, instruction that provides easily understood paths to healing and resolution.
• The increased ability to facilitate groups in a compassionate manner and with increased accountability.
• The grace to become a fair witness to another's emotions.

Educational Goals of this Workshop:

• The basic science of affect, emotion, and motivation.
• The use of relational support to develop accountability.
• How to approach the problems associated with shame by improving awareness.
• The need for personal skills of reflection and self-support.
• The use of reflective interactions and fair communication about one's true feelings as a mainstay of support and assistance.
• Leadership defined as active responsibility for group communication and the management of fair process within relationships.
• Hands on training in the management of individual reactions to shaming, bullying, and the use of peer pressure to manipulate others.

WE WILL COME TO YOU!

Workshops will be arranged in partnership with a host organization.
The cost of a full day of training is economical when the experience is shared among 20 participants from a region, association, or organization.

ONE-DAY EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR WORKING CLERGY

Topics for Clergy that strengthen the skills required to teach and live as a compassionate witness through remediation of shame in counseling and daily interactions.

These events are provided to develop personal facility with the basic content of Managing Shame, Preventing Violence: A Call to Our Clergy, and to provide skill sets that will be introduced during this training experience and used daily thereafter.

There are two different day-long workshop programs that teach Group Facilitation:

A. LEADING A SERIES

In this curriculum you learn how to use the DVD to focus group discussions within your congregation or community. As part of our workshop, you will review the plan to hold either 6 weekly 2-3 hour programs or a single intensive 2-day program, each of which utilizes the DVD content. The suggested series and session titles are outlined below.

Adult classes: Managing Shame as the Display of Love

1. Feelings precede problems
2. The ubiquity of shame
3. Looking past our shame (CoS)
4. Reflecting on our Shame
5. Resolution as a personal gift
6. Keeping connections strong

Couples Class: Teaching the Skills for Satisfaction

1. Feelings precede problems
2. Shame and success in relating
3. Looking past our shame (CoS)
4. Mutualization is loving partnership
5. Communicating for collaboration
6. The growing relationship

Teen class: Self, Family, and Peers in Society

1. Feelings are biology that can't be ignored
2. Shame and the self-concept
3. Banter, bullies, and friendship
4. Family style
5. Being accepted
6. Making connections

Parenting class: 6 Steps to building the Family Circle

1. Managing shame
2. Accountability in the family circle
3. Words to express my feelings
4. Play, laughter, and friendship
5. Keeping the circle on truth
6. Making satisfactory decisions

B. TEACHING YOUR COMMUNITY ABOUT SHAME

This is a set of three curricula, each of which provides an intensive day of self-development that incorporates and drives home the general themes presented in Managing Shame, Preventing Violence: A Call to Our Clergy. Each program focuses on key concepts and experiences that anchor this understanding of human interaction and hone new skills of compassion, communication, leadership, and community building.

First: Teach Compassion and Caring Along With Shame Awareness

• Love is a Balm to Shame
• The affect Interest-Excitement and the open mind
• The path away from relational negativity begins when we step off the Compass of Shame

Reflection on Self: True self is possible only when we pay attention to affect spotlights

• Seeing the meaning in our reactions
• Reflecting on our emotions to see our true self
• Helping friends feel safe enough to reflect on themselves

Reflection as a Community Practice: Family Circles and Good Friends

• Family circles with young children
• Family circles and accountability
• Reflection among good friends, peers and public activities

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